Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Random Question Clearing House

That’s right! It’s that part of the show again where I answer all your questions in one group depository of overt bias. I like to refer to this segment as……
One of 100 ancient Spanish Churches

Random Question Clearing House!
This is mostly a compendium of questions, tidbits, morsels and musing that didn’t fit in the previous 12 months of dispatches. You read that correctly folks; I’ve been on the road for 1 year. I crossed the Mexican border on March 9 2015 and I’m currently in Honduras. So with no further delay – let’s dig in, shall we?

“So you drive to a hotel and get a room?” No – I might park in the parking lot of the hotel, but I sleep in the camper. All my stuff is in here. I built it out to be a place to live, not a place to get away from.


“What’s with you and small spaces? First a boat and now a camper, do you dream of jail cells?” - A big house is a jail cell. You spend your life cleaning and fixing it. Small is freedom. Also – I suppose I never really grew up and still enjoy “playing fort”. I brought every luxury I could with me but you should see what I left behind. I have a pretty sweet set up in S’Mish. However, this lifestyle is more to my liking. Though my house is small my back yard is infinite, and that to me is worth the slight inconvenience and almost zero discomfort.


“Don’t you think you are living a much healthier life now?” - When I’m in cities I’m slowly committing suicide with the exhaust emissions that these developing nations don’t regulate. And when I’m on beaches I’m slowly committing suicide with the deet I inhale and the sunblock I push into my pores. Aren’t I just a ray of sunshine?

“Why don’t you try driving on the toll roads. They are so much better.” - I have only driven on toll roads. That just adds insult to injury because this means I am paying the country of Mexico to damage my truck with their awful roads ($800 in damage so far and approximately $300 in tolls).

“Bobby, we have a bet going. Do you write your dispatches while completely loaded?” - Almost exclusively. I’m loaded now.

“How good is your Spanish?” - If all you had was 2 years of high school Spanish you’d think I was completely fluent, but the locals know better. They are far too generous and I should be kicked in the cajones once a month for what I do to their language: “Esto es lo que haces a mi idioma. Nos Vemos el proximo mes.”
I can't get enough of these Mayan ruins


“What do you spend on gas?” – Actually I burn diesel. $65 per week in diesel will buy me about 200 miles. I’ve decided that if I’m driving more than 200 miles per week than I’m going too fast and missing stuff.

“Do you have a political agenda?” - I don’t give a damn about the Liberals or the Republicans. I only care about the Libertarian party and why Tom Waits has yet to be declared a national treasure.”


“How long do you think you’ll be on the road?” – I’m thinking about another 3 years. There is still so much to see and there is never really a time limit on self-discovery.
Sometimes life puts long nosed rats in your path

Random Musings That Refused To Be Used In Prior Dispatches
Travel is wonderful for so many reasons. The people you meet are obviously a large part of it. Not only the locals, but the weirdo ex-pats who are sure that the illuminati are controlling the world with fluoride. I’ve listened to some of the most wacked out theories I’ve ever heard and I love it.

You never have to worry about getting in trouble for public urination in Latin America. They all do it and find it totally acceptable. The world is their toilet. You can stop anywhere and pee.

You never need to fear picante sauce south of Mexico, with one exception: Marie Sharp in Belize (she should run for public office, it’s the best known name in the whole country. Carrots in salsa picante – genius!). Other than that, after the mace you will put on your food in Mexico, it’s all tame & lame.
No one knows medicines better than a Pharmacist. Do we always need a doctor to insert themselves? That's 30 Pesos which is $2US

In Mexico you treat the street musicians like Charlie Sheen treats prostitutes. You don’t pay them for their services; you pay them to go away.

Self realization #694: I just want to dance like a white man. Cumbias, salsas, tangos and the others are sexy as hell but I want to snap my fingers and do the Courtney Cox from Dancing in the Dark. Go ahead. Point and laugh at me. I’m fine with that.

So Good It Needs To Be Reprinted:

From Colin Reedy:
TOP 10 HOBBIES IN CENTRAL AMERICA

1) Littering 24/7.
2) Burning things in piles...extra points for plastic.
3) Looking suspicious.
4) Jesus decals.
5) Overloading vehicles, animals, and themselves.
6) Clashing colors and patterns.
7) Pushing and cutting in line.
8) Hacking loudly then spitting in public...especially Mayan women.
9) Driving fast, honking often, and passing on corners.
10) Eating three types of starch in one meal; preferably fried.



One Year And Closing

“I can imagine how thrilling that first day crossing the border was” - The truth is, every time I put the truck in drive, it’s electrifying because, where I’m going; I’ve never been. Every mile is another chance for exploration, discovery, and reinvention. Every border I cross I’m confronted with a brand new culture that greets me with silver in its smile. Every time the odometer rolls over another 1000 miles I grin knowing that I’m making this up as I go along. Freedom. Total unabated freedom. Is there anything sweeter?

Lets Do the Numbers:
I’ve experienced 8 countries, driven 10,000 miles, sailed 1800 miles more, and witnessed countless new sights with new friends. But at the end of it all, the only question that I ask myself; “am I getting closer to that guy I always wanted to be?” Yes, I can see him and I’m shortening the gap. Constant bearing, decreasing range.

Your man on point,

Captain Bobby