Great Britain - Again!

Ahh... The UK

Britain's pub culture is alive and well and I came to help keep it that way. I wanted to offer support in the form of economic patronage. Bending the elbow and then slapping the King's shrapnel unto the bar mat made me one with the Everyman - The backbone of British culture.

The Driving

I begin every day by reciting my mantra: “Drive on the left! Drive on the left! Drive on the left!” I can now admit that on the third day, I forgot. I must have driven about five blocks on the wrong side of the road before oncoming traffic scared the bejesus out of me. Can you imagine what the other guy thought in his little car? My motorhome barely fits on these little country lanes. Here's the funniest part, I honked. Can you believe that? I thought it was their fault. 

A Very Soft Landing

Our very first night we had supper together with some friends we’d met in Morocco. Mike, Nat, Alejandra and I have a 4 way chat group we call “Mind the Age Gap”. I think it’s quite clever you see, because they have 27 years between themselves as do Aleja and I. They are the ancient versions of us. Now you are going to think that was a mean statement but I can assure you that our whole mutually loving relationship is built around serving up insults. Nat is going to adore that one!

Pub Stops

The app is actually called Brit Stops but Pub Stops is far more accurate. We signed up for it 2 years ago when we drove our first lap around the British Isles. Back then it was a cumbersome book that they had to mail to us at a campground we knew we’d be at in Edinburgh.  That was 2022. Can you imagine? The app is a vast improvement and I wholeheartedly endorse their endeavor (I’m trying to “British up” my writing on this dispatch but I am dropping the “u”s since I yield to the American improvements regarding the language. My island friends are grinding their teeth a bit but hold tight…It’s gonna get a little worse)

The whole point of Brit Stops is that once you pay for the app you can avail yourself at any of the hundreds of locals that they have listed. You have a drink or 3, and/or a meal, and you are welcome to park in a designated spot that the pub has made available. We love it. More accurately – I love it. Aleja is not much of a drinker and this gives me a mandatory drink edict. Occasionally you can plug in for power for a nominal fee. 

Sometimes it’s much more than a nominal fee. Sometimes they are quite proud of their electrical outlet, know that the evenings have a bite to them, and that filling your French propane tank in Britain is not easy. We pay. When it’s November and the sun never really burned through the cloud cover for the 3rd day running and then it’s completely black at 4:30 pm - you need to pay for power since the solar panel can’t keep up. Still – Brit Stops is a much better value than every campground in Britain: The most expensive under serviced campgrounds in all of Europe. Want to use the shower? – extra. Wifi? – they usually don’t even have it and when they do – extra. Electric? – always extra. What would cost 20 Euros in France costs 40 Pounds in Britain. Look up the exchange rate. A Pound is 17% more expensive than a Euro. Britain is great but it’s no bargain.

More Arms Than An Octopus

Carpenter Arms, Arkwright Arms, Butcher’s Arms, Beaufort Arms… These are just some of the names of the pubs we stayed at. 

The word “Arms” comes from the “coat of arms” that the local guild had. 

One cannot do better than a succulent Hunter's Chicken and a pint of Guinness

Whitby

Capt James Cook lived here as an apprentice and slept in the rafters as a young adult. This is the man who essentially discovered EVERYTHING. Gene Roddenberry named James Kirk from Star Trek after him. This man was.... bigger than life! He inspired me decades ago and I finally made it here. 

I sailed half way around the world in 2007 (and it damn near killed me multiple times). This stud sailed 2.5 times around the world in the 1700's (And yes it killed him), but look what he brought to the knowledge base for all humanity. Epic Hero of the age of exploration.

Whitby

Whitby

James and Louise

These are our friends that we first met in Albania and then a year later in Greece and now at their place in Scotland. We just click. Silly fun boozy times. 

Ingleton

It happens occasionally where a single town seems to become the model for a whole genre. Ingleton was that for me. Look how adorable this little village is.

Burnley

If Ingleton is the perfect picture of a quaint Northern English village than Burnley is the role model for true North England comradery. It’s said that the Southerners are refined softies and the Northerners are friendly brutes. I can see why the stereotypes persist and I like them for exactly what they are. We came here 2 years ago and watched USA tie England in the World Cup while (whilst) drinking in the men’s club. Everyone was as friendly as can be and it was the same on this trip. We feel adopted by Burnley. Up The Claret!

Our Wonderful Burnley Hosts: Max and Jolene

Wales

Oddly – we spent an unusually large amount of time in Wales. I suppose there is no better bellwether for magnetism, then counting nights spent within its border. Yes, the accent is ridiculous but the people and scenery were superb. Though the driving was a little nervy – Check out the following video

The language is impossible

Ahh – the driving…

I think that most Britons have been to Europe, and I think that most Britons who go to Europe, fly. Because they drive on the opposite side of the road they choose the plane, the taxi and the train over the car. So, for Britons, it's very easy to have never driven on the continent. It's because of this Britons don't know how truly bad their roads are. Until you've driven the roads of Europe you don't have a comparison. Brit roads are shockingly bad. Damage to the vehicle bad. Albanian bad. Third world bad. If you need more vibrato in your singing vocals – drive the M-25 while doing your best Pavarotti rendition.

My Friend Nigel

Allow me to describe Britain as one of my college buddies. Let’s call him Nigel. He’s got a divorce and three kids under his belt. He's in middle management, with a promotion 10 years ago, but none since. Likes to drink, and has a great attitude. He's stuck in revolving credit card debt at 22%. Kind to animals. Completely dysfunctional at dating. Will call in sick to help a friend (that's why he hasn't had a promotion in ten years). He's close with his aging parents (bless them). Says he doesn't want their life even though he's matching it exactly. Has zero strategy for his own retirement and that’s very problematic. Nigel is an absolute sweetheart but I'm concerned for his future.

We Loved York!

York!

The Shambles - York!

York York York! Henry the VIII was a church killer

WX

Wet windy and cold. Everything is less fun with an earache. The typical British weather lived up to its stereotype and I complained to anyone in ear shot. There is a great word that the Americans should use: “Whinging”. I came to hate my own voice with all the moaning I did. 

The Economics

Sorry – I call em like I see em. Britain is expensive. I don’t mean London, which is outrageous – I mean the whole of Britain. I understand expensive, as I’ve traveled a bit, but Britain is expensive without value. Tahiti is expensive, SoCal is expensive, Luxembourg is expensive – but they deliver. The price / performance value … its just not there. 

The People 

This brings me to the other side of the coin, which is Britain’s greatest asset: Their People, I find them: friendly, helpful, honest, full of integrity, engaging, fun and funny. I like the stiff upper lip, and the “can do” mentality. Its people are Britain's greatest asset. 

Let me tell you about our very last night in England before catching the ferry back to France at an obscenely early hour. 

We had drinks in the pub we were parked behind and met a couple blokes who worked construction. We swapped buying rounds and phone numbers and a friendship was hatched. The next morning the knock on the door came before the sunrise, and there was Wayne with his team’s jersey and a couple beers. Now that’s what I’m talking about!

We also loved the Cotswalds

So… in Conclusion

I love Brits. I want to meet Brits. I am always happy to see a UK license plate in the campground – there’s my new friends! I want to meet Brits as I travel all around the world…  Brits – come find me abroad. You know you are looking for a reason to travel. Death to the Schengen Zone (the reason I keep going back) and long live Great Britain!

Burford in the Cotswalds

Your Seppo on Point,

Blacktop Bobby

The Unrequested Random Clearing House

We’ve completed 3 years of driving around Europe and so begins Year 4. But first I have to do a recap of the last half of 2024.

We started in Athens and ended in Paris. It was an ambitious year and we pulled it off. This was 2024!

And Without Further Delay – The Unrequested Random Clearing House

Not every paragraph I write fits cleanly into a topic thesis, some exist as disjointed, broken time-line offerings that were orphaned in my attempts at brevity. Let’s acknowledge that not everything can be an anecdote. Here are the underdeveloped notions that refused to play nice. Congratulations folks, it’s another unrequested episode of Bobby’s Random European Clearing House!

Catch Up

The last you read; we had completed our circumnavigation of the country of Turkey with an additional sojourn into Georgia. It was then time to head north to meet my brother in Vienna. 

It was all fun and games until we met some real French people.

Bulgaria, Serbia, Croatia

We were moving fast and trying to hide from the heat. Northern Europe is unforgivingly cold in the winter and Southern Europe is almost equally uncomfortable in the summer. The crowds, scorching wet heat, and sucking mosquitos keep us indoors or rolling our eyes while outdoors. I’m so soft and old now that I only want the shoulder seasons. How’s that for a picky bastard? We needed to seek altitude while we blasted through these countries. We didn’t find it. We ran the portable aircon we bought in Morocco nonstop. Every sweaty handshake moved us north until we entered Slovenia.

Bulgaria. The lake makes it look cooler than it was

Sofia Bulgaria. I grew the stache so they would respect me if I was kidnapped in Georgia

Sofia Bulgaria and the obvious Eastern influences

Somewhere in Croatia

Slovenia

The parking spot we chose was free and came with a plug. Ruse is a cute little town and a good staging spot to clean and prep for the absorption of another human into our wee habitrail.

Maribor Slovenia - The oldest grape vine in the world. 450 years old!!!!

Vienna

The pickup was smooth and the Friedman Bros were reunited with much fanfare. The whirlwind was about to begin.

Czechia

Brno was great, Prague was the best!

Prague at Sunset

Prague after sunset

Germany

The stereotypes are true – only let German’s lift your hood. Nowhere in the sunshine countries of Europe - can they be trusted. I can tell you stories of incompetence that would blow your mind. I came to Radeberg for some usual maintenance items and stayed for the charm of Bautzen. 

Poland

I researched the usage of the letter “W” in the English language. It is used 1.3% of the time. I then researched how often the “W” is used in the Polish language: 4.1%. As I suspected. Then I went for the grand prize…The letter “Z”. In English its usage is .27% (that’s a decimal point in front of the 2). In Polish it’s a whopping 5.33%! That’s on par with the vowels A, E & I. That’s almost 20 times as much. Come on, Poland… less, Z's, less W's. They’re at the end of the alphabet for a reason. You don't need that many Z's and W's. And why put a Z next to an S? Isn't that a little redundant? Put your pitchforks down, I’m just trying to help.

Slovakia

Orava, Strba, Kosice

A castle, a lake, and a charming town. I didn’t learn anything about the culture. I don’t have any quirky insulting thoughts about their habits. More research is required. We shall return.

The castle at Orava

Lake Strba. The next day they dragged the lake looking for that lost vowel. 

Kosice

Hungary

Eger & Budapest. 

Goodbye Skinny. We had a great 3 weeks together. I can’t attest to either of these cities as I was focused on my brother’s departure. I always miss him so much.

Back to Slovakia

Still didn’t learn anything – more research needed. 

Back to Poland

The highlight was the Wolf’s Lair. Hitler lived here for 800 nights like a bat in his dank bunker during the end of the war. The campsite is actually inside the property so you have free reign all night (one more reason traveling by moho rocks). We got loaded with a German couple and walked back over to the spot where Claus Von Stauffenberg tried to assassinate Hitler. It’s difficult to kill pure evil. He failed and was executed later that evening. Cue up the Tom Cruise movie “Valkyrie”

The foundation of the building in which the meeting took place. See the photo below for a recreation

The red squares denote where the generals stood and absorbed the blast. The briefcase was the bomb

Then, once inebriated, we went back after dark and poked around in the ruble while accompanied by German accents. Spooky.

There are some beautiful spots in Poland. This is Nowe Guty

                                                     

This is Poznan Poland

                                                                                    

Back to Germany

In Brazil, it's a contest to see how many best friends you can make in a day. In Germany it's a challenge to try and get one German to acknowledge your existence. We did better than average and had a good time but you do need to try a bit.

Made it to Berlin. I had no idea how many barber shops and kebab stands could squeeze into a single street. Good thing we were in Turkey earlier in the year and I still remembered how to say hello and thank you.

First impressions of Berlin: Big grimy city, rare to hear German being spoken, every 20 steps there's a plaque denoting the evil that was committed in that exact spot by their ancestors.

A whole family murdered at Auschwitz. These plaques are in front of the home where they used to live. 

This was an entrance gate from an old defunct train station. The plaque denoted that children were sent to their deaths from here

To the left of that man in motion is a sign that explains Hitler's bunker was beneath this car park and apartments. It was here he finally did the right thing and blew his brains out. 

Berlin... Man. I'm so conflicted. So much evil and then there are all the cold war communist years, yet.... It's really a cool city

It went from “The stuff of nightmares” to “Fairytale Germany” as we dropped south and embarked on Deutschland’s Romantic Road. 

Meissen Germany

Ladenburg Germany

                                                        

                                                             

Rothenburg Germany

Trier Germany. This is the Porta Nigra built in 170 AD by the Romans

                                                                      





Our buddy Dominik (we met him 3 years ago in Croatia) hopped in his whooshbanger and drove to Bamberg to meet us for a couple nights of revelry. The town is charming, the company was great and we walked on clouds

Luxembourg Was Lux

We’d never been to this country before. Q: Do you know why it’s so expensive? A: Because it’s so worth it!

Luxembourg City is beyond belief

   

                                                                                                                              

This is Vianden Luxembourg

Vianden & the lovely Alejandra

Belgium

The word “waiter” has European roots. They make you wait and wait and wait. Oh, he's gonna get to you…yeah - when he's good and ready. This isn’t just Belgium. It’s the whole continent, but the poor service is worth the price of NOT tipping. I’m a fan. 

In this town hops grow wild on the side of the road

We went to only 2 cities and for 2 different celebrations: 1) Beer 2) Those that gave their all. One of our favorite brands of Belch beers (totally legal to refer to the people of this country as Belch, as is the reference to Norwegians as Weegies) is Leffe. Dinant is the village where it was birthed in the 1200’s. Look – this is a pleasure cruise not some highbrow academic sojourn into the literary heights of the Renaissance. We kept it ridiculous by venturing to a village only for the purpose of visiting the mothership of a beer brand. Yeah – I can be vacuous. 

Dinant Belgium

Our second stop was a lot more solemn. Ypres seems to be a city dedicated to the sacrifices of the First World War. I was absolutely moved to watch the gathering and the words spoken at sunset on the street. I assumed we had arrived on a special day. No – this occurs every day. I stopped one of the men in the suits after that march and inquired what this was all about. He was from Scotland and had flown in just to pay his respects with his mates. He answered all my questions very politely and when I stalled out, he calmly asked, “if you don’t have any more questions, I’d like to catch up with my mates for a cold one.” I’m assuming it was Leffe he'd be drinking. 

This sincere procession occurs each night. I was floored

France

We passed through just to swap propane tanks and to take the ferry to Old Blighty. We somehow thought it would be a good idea to go to Britain for Oct & Nov…. again. 

But that’s the next read. 

All for now,

Black Top Bobby