The Unrequested Random Clearing House

We’ve completed 3 years of driving around Europe and so begins Year 4. But first I have to do a recap of the last half of 2024.

We started in Athens and ended in Paris. It was an ambitious year and we pulled it off. This was 2024!

And Without Further Delay – The Unrequested Random Clearing House

Not every paragraph I write fits cleanly into a topic thesis, some exist as disjointed, broken time-line offerings that were orphaned in my attempts at brevity. Let’s acknowledge that not everything can be an anecdote. Here are the underdeveloped notions that refused to play nice. Congratulations folks, it’s another unrequested episode of Bobby’s Random European Clearing House!

Catch Up

The last you read; we had completed our circumnavigation of the country of Turkey with an additional sojourn into Georgia. It was then time to head north to meet my brother in Vienna. 

It was all fun and games until we met some real French people.

Bulgaria, Serbia, Croatia

We were moving fast and trying to hide from the heat. Northern Europe is unforgivingly cold in the winter and Southern Europe is almost equally uncomfortable in the summer. The crowds, scorching wet heat, and sucking mosquitos keep us indoors or rolling our eyes while outdoors. I’m so soft and old now that I only want the shoulder seasons. How’s that for a picky bastard? We needed to seek altitude while we blasted through these countries. We didn’t find it. We ran the portable aircon we bought in Morocco nonstop. Every sweaty handshake moved us north until we entered Slovenia.

Bulgaria. The lake makes it look cooler than it was

Sofia Bulgaria. I grew the stache so they would respect me if I was kidnapped in Georgia

Sofia Bulgaria and the obvious Eastern influences

Somewhere in Croatia

Slovenia

The parking spot we chose was free and came with a plug. Ruse is a cute little town and a good staging spot to clean and prep for the absorption of another human into our wee habitrail.

Maribor Slovenia - The oldest grape vine in the world. 450 years old!!!!

Vienna

The pickup was smooth and the Friedman Bros were reunited with much fanfare. The whirlwind was about to begin.

Czechia

Brno was great, Prague was the best!

Prague at Sunset

Prague after sunset

Germany

The stereotypes are true – only let German’s lift your hood. Nowhere in the sunshine countries of Europe - can they be trusted. I can tell you stories of incompetence that would blow your mind. I came to Radeberg for some usual maintenance items and stayed for the charm of Bautzen. 

Poland

I researched the usage of the letter “W” in the English language. It is used 1.3% of the time. I then researched how often the “W” is used in the Polish language: 4.1%. As I suspected. Then I went for the grand prize…The letter “Z”. In English its usage is .27% (that’s a decimal point in front of the 2). In Polish it’s a whopping 5.33%! That’s on par with the vowels A, E & I. That’s almost 20 times as much. Come on, Poland… less, Z's, less W's. They’re at the end of the alphabet for a reason. You don't need that many Z's and W's. And why put a Z next to an S? Isn't that a little redundant? Put your pitchforks down, I’m just trying to help.

Slovakia

Orava, Strba, Kosice

A castle, a lake, and a charming town. I didn’t learn anything about the culture. I don’t have any quirky insulting thoughts about their habits. More research is required. We shall return.

The castle at Orava

Lake Strba. The next day they dragged the lake looking for that lost vowel. 

Kosice

Hungary

Eger & Budapest. 

Goodbye Skinny. We had a great 3 weeks together. I can’t attest to either of these cities as I was focused on my brother’s departure. I always miss him so much.

Back to Slovakia

Still didn’t learn anything – more research needed. 

Back to Poland

The highlight was the Wolf’s Lair. Hitler lived here for 800 nights like a bat in his dank bunker during the end of the war. The campsite is actually inside the property so you have free reign all night (one more reason traveling by moho rocks). We got loaded with a German couple and walked back over to the spot where Claus Von Stauffenberg tried to assassinate Hitler. It’s difficult to kill pure evil. He failed and was executed later that evening. Cue up the Tom Cruise movie “Valkyrie”

The foundation of the building in which the meeting took place. See the photo below for a recreation

The red squares denote where the generals stood and absorbed the blast. The briefcase was the bomb

Then, once inebriated, we went back after dark and poked around in the ruble while accompanied by German accents. Spooky.

There are some beautiful spots in Poland. This is Nowe Guty

                                                     

This is Poznan Poland

                                                                                    

Back to Germany

In Brazil, it's a contest to see how many best friends you can make in a day. In Germany it's a challenge to try and get one German to acknowledge your existence. We did better than average and had a good time but you do need to try a bit.

Made it to Berlin. I had no idea how many barber shops and kebab stands could squeeze into a single street. Good thing we were in Turkey earlier in the year and I still remembered how to say hello and thank you.

First impressions of Berlin: Big grimy city, rare to hear German being spoken, every 20 steps there's a plaque denoting the evil that was committed in that exact spot by their ancestors.

A whole family murdered at Auschwitz. These plaques are in front of the home where they used to live. 

This was an entrance gate from an old defunct train station. The plaque denoted that children were sent to their deaths from here

To the left of that man in motion is a sign that explains Hitler's bunker was beneath this car park and apartments. It was here he finally did the right thing and blew his brains out. 

Berlin... Man. I'm so conflicted. So much evil and then there are all the cold war communist years, yet.... It's really a cool city

It went from “The stuff of nightmares” to “Fairytale Germany” as we dropped south and embarked on Deutschland’s Romantic Road. 

Meissen Germany

Ladenburg Germany

                                                        

                                                             

Rothenburg Germany

Trier Germany. This is the Porta Nigra built in 170 AD by the Romans

                                                                      





Our buddy Dominik (we met him 3 years ago in Croatia) hopped in his whooshbanger and drove to Bamberg to meet us for a couple nights of revelry. The town is charming, the company was great and we walked on clouds

Luxembourg Was Lux

We’d never been to this country before. Q: Do you know why it’s so expensive? A: Because it’s so worth it!

Luxembourg City is beyond belief

   

                                                                                                                              

This is Vianden Luxembourg

Vianden & the lovely Alejandra

Belgium

The word “waiter” has European roots. They make you wait and wait and wait. Oh, he's gonna get to you…yeah - when he's good and ready. This isn’t just Belgium. It’s the whole continent, but the poor service is worth the price of NOT tipping. I’m a fan. 

In this town hops grow wild on the side of the road

We went to only 2 cities and for 2 different celebrations: 1) Beer 2) Those that gave their all. One of our favorite brands of Belch beers (totally legal to refer to the people of this country as Belch, as is the reference to Norwegians as Weegies) is Leffe. Dinant is the village where it was birthed in the 1200’s. Look – this is a pleasure cruise not some highbrow academic sojourn into the literary heights of the Renaissance. We kept it ridiculous by venturing to a village only for the purpose of visiting the mothership of a beer brand. Yeah – I can be vacuous. 

Dinant Belgium

Our second stop was a lot more solemn. Ypres seems to be a city dedicated to the sacrifices of the First World War. I was absolutely moved to watch the gathering and the words spoken at sunset on the street. I assumed we had arrived on a special day. No – this occurs every day. I stopped one of the men in the suits after that march and inquired what this was all about. He was from Scotland and had flown in just to pay his respects with his mates. He answered all my questions very politely and when I stalled out, he calmly asked, “if you don’t have any more questions, I’d like to catch up with my mates for a cold one.” I’m assuming it was Leffe he'd be drinking. 

This sincere procession occurs each night. I was floored

France

We passed through just to swap propane tanks and to take the ferry to Old Blighty. We somehow thought it would be a good idea to go to Britain for Oct & Nov…. again. 

But that’s the next read. 

All for now,

Black Top Bobby

Turkey Part 2

The Food

Aleja says, "Being fat is very delicious but not very good for you." 

Bobby responds: "But what if we just scarf this Turkish delight until we have diabetes and stop before we get fat?"

The Turkish delight, the Baklava (AB pronunciation: “Blackblahblah) the Dondurma ice cream (Chewy - Made with Salep which is the tuber of the orchid and going extinct)… They are very good at desserts. Then there is the chicken. Listen closely: The Argentinians are the best at beef, the Spanish at pork, and the Turkish have a pact with the god of poultry because whatever they are doing to the chicken is phenomenal. I was there for 3 months and I never had a chicken dish that was less than superior. Harps sounded and angels sang when the chicken was brought to my table. Every time. 

The liquids on the other hand - Want a hot beverage in Turkey? You have three choices. You can have sludge mud coffee, or Nescafe or tea, that's it. Very hard to find good filtered coffee

The Driving Experience

The roads were far better than I was expecting. Big, maintained, safe…The signage on the other hand… Turkey has achieved the trifecta of road signage stupidity. They do the same thing that Norway does: they give you a “Not 70” sign. So, your immediate question should be, "Ok – So what's the speed limit?" Why waste a sign on “Not 70” when you can just state the actual speed? It's so dumb. "Let's keep them guessing!" It costs exactly as much to make a sign with a speed limit on it as it does to make a sign that says “Not 70”. 

Then there’s the 90 70 50 signs in close proximity. 

This is their way of slowing you down. 3 times the amount of unnecessary signage. Someone needs to lose their job, because the 3rd error in their trifecta of signage stupidity is the sheer lack thereof. I drove for long long stretches without ever seeing a sign. Not wanting to risk a ticket I slowed to 70. I was the slowest vehicle on the road. I sped up to 90 and was still passed. After a month of trying to figure it out I just drove whatever felt right. 

Then there's this. What an oddly specific number to drive. Weird right?

They go to the trouble of making this fake cutout of a cop car and a fake cutout of a police officer with a radar gun and they even install flashing lights, which is not cheap. They have to wire up a power source and pay for the lights. But you know what's missing? An actual freaking number for the speed limit! That's proof to me that the whole thing is just a game for them to burn you. They want to act like they are being helpful as they write you a fine. Helpful is driving a sign in the shoulder with an exact number on it. Come on Turkey. Do better. Now I’m done. Everything else was fantastic

Pinara 

I have compiled a check list of criteria to denote the greatest Archeological sites. It is very rare that you can get all 3.

1. Never excavated – The archeologists bring order and in so doing eradicate the mystery of self-discovery

2. Never restored – Even if they’ve rebuilt it exactly like it originally was there is always that fill in modern concrete or a replaced base that doesn’t fit. It throws me out of my fantasy time.

3. Most importantly – Abandoned and never returned. That means modern structures that are currently inhabited are not covering the antiquities (like Demre). This is extremely rare. The original humans chose that spot for water and defensibility, and if it was good enough for them, it is almost always good enough for the next civilization and the next. It’s why Troy is 9 levels deep. But they walked away from Pinara in the 9th century AD and never went back.

Look closely and you can see the sarcophagus, dry ashlar walls and the rock cut tombs above them

How did they cut those tombs into the side of that cliff?

You would have to experience Pinara first hand and spend the night in its silence to understand. It used to be one of the largest cities of 400BC and now … nothing. What a treasure. Nothing has been lifted and restacked, no megaliths have been moved and the ground beneath – never excavated. There are museum quality fluted columns lying half buried on the side of the road, and arches still standing. The seats of the amphitheater have been shifted by earthquakes but it’s all there. Ruins yes, but so much left in place that your imagination doesn’t need any coaxing. 

Absolutely megalithic!!!

I would drive all the way back to Turkey just to sleep there again.

The monster Kangal dogs were an added bonus

We did manage to get in some beach time in a place called Kas

Demre (Ancient Myra)

This place doesn’t check any of the 3 criteria but it’s still worth the visit. We spent the night but you could get in and out in an hour.  We hopped a barrier in the oft neglected rear and took these pix so you don’t have to break the rules – Look at the size of those stones!

After the last tour bus leaves you have it all to yourself. The joy of motorhoming

Goynuk

All Russian. Even the street signs are in Russian. The campground was owned by Russians. We heard only the Russian language. Very odd. This war has created some strange happenings. You don’t even need to travel to Russia, just go to Goynuk and Bali Indonesia.

Side

This whole peninsula has taken a novel approach to archeology. There are a few parts you have to pay admission to but mostly it’s an open air unreconstructed free site. The law says that stores, shops, restaurants, etcetera, can be built but they must conserve what is beneath, cover it with plexiglass and allow the tourists to roam at will and peek beneath the city’s skirts. There are plenty of areas where you can clamor over the fallen rocks and explore what is still standing. We loved it and stayed a week. 

Cappadocia 

I’ve already sold my buddy on vacationing in this place. He and his wife are there as I write this. It’s rare that I go out of my way to promote a tourist spot but this place has a lot of wonderful to talk about.

This was once a solid boulder. All carved by hand

This is arguably the oldest church still in existence. That paint has never been retouched. 1600 years old

The ancient churches. The incredibly odd landscape. The man-made architecture that in some senses enhances the natural. The infrastructure. Great restaurants and…We actually made friends! Real friends. I’ll let the pictures spark your imagination.

It's soft sandstone which is easy to carve but once painted,
won't disintegrate - so it was used for abodes. 

We rented a scooter and went everywhere we could and then some

Our campground had the perfect vantage point to enjoy the early morning balloon rides

Then there is the deep underground element to this whole area. Entire cities exist down there. This photo shows how a stone could be rolled to block a passage during attack

Our new friends! Aysegul and Muhlis. We met them on one of our ancient church hunts and they invited us to their house for a home cooked meal. Brass ring winners! Those are Aleja's patent pending spicy margaritas served in traditional Turkish tea glasses

Stunningly beautiful and highly recommended. 

Goreme is the center of Cappadocia. There isn’t a city called Cappadocia. It's a region. We stayed a week, rented a scooter, explored every corner and loved it. 

Gazientep 

We stayed an extra night and burned a whole day just so we could eat at this resto again. You weekers can’t do that but we can and did. Now let me save you some time - There is no reason to go to Gazientep. Skip it.

Gobekli Tepe

I’m really conflicted. This is the motherload of Archaeological sites but it was a bit of a letdown. Yes, it is over 11,000 years old and possibly rewrites the order in which anthropologist believe humans built civilization. It’s well executed but…. It’s a hole in the ground that you walk around on an elevated sidewalk and peer into. It’s small, noninteractive and just didn’t grab me. That’s a pity because I had read about and salivated over this place for years. After we left, we drove only a short way down the hill (it’s in the middle of nowhere) and camped for the night. I think the still of the night and the black stary skies with the enormous man-made awning of Gobekli Tepe in the near background was as good as walking the site. Plus, the wild Kangal dog love I got was free and priceless.

Almost 12,000 years old!

 

Mardin 

The whole town smells like a dumpster fire. They burn their trash in front of their entry doors. You walk through abject filth until you get to “The Tourist Street” and then it's all bling and barkers, but you know where these employees live. I found it depressing. I also heard myself mumbling “squalor disease, and pollution” on the walk back to the camper. I’m way beyond my 3rd world quotient.

Tortum Selalesi 

I don’t even think that’s the actual name of this town. I couldn’t really do better. Google maps wasn’t that helpful and I was even in the town when I looked.  The waterfall was rather spectacular.

Going to Georgia

The next day we drove through 60 tunnels to get to Georgia. That road was really incredible. 

Back in Turkey

You already read about Georgia. If you didn’t you can go back a couple dispatches and take a look. We then returned to Turkey and drove nearly the entire coast of the Black Sea. We had to pick up my brother in Vienna 3,000 KM away.

Nice temps, great views of a dramatic coastline but nothing was wow. 

Safranbolu 

Absolute cheesy tourist trap. You can skip it.

Istanbul/Constantinople/Byzantium

One of the most important cities in the world - historically speaking. Right up there with Rome & Athens. I’m over my 1,500-word self-imposed max but here are a few items to google if you want further reading:  The great chain of the Golden Horn & how it was defeated. The Cisterns of Istanbul. The Hagia Sofia (My pet theory that all mosques look the same because of this building. You’ll have to speak to me to get that take).

The Blue Mosque

The Blue Mosque

Not the Blue Mosque. There are a few that look a lot like it.

Across the Bosporus from Europe to Asia. One of the most important cities of the ancient world

This city was already 1000 years old when Constantine declared it Nova Roma. It stood for another 1000 years before it fell to the Ottoman Empire in 1453.

This bridge now exists where the chain used to dip below the water line. Mehmed the Conqueror stood roughly here and surveyed what he would soon take.

One of the cisterns beneath the city. This used to be completely filled with water to hold them through a siege

I love history, but to really understand history you have to back up and understand geography. The best way to understand geography is to actually go there. So, that is what we’re doing. It’s probably what you should be doing. Sell your house, auction off your kids, liquidate your 401k. Start traveling before the couch consumes you.

Your man on point,

Blacktop Bobby