Bali Part 2

And So Began Our Retreat Into Hedonism. 

When the rim of the wine glass is smeared with your buttery lip impressions, the prawns were probably delicious. And they were. We ate at least 2 meals per day in restaurants. We rented a scooter by the month and a car whenever our bottoms got sore or the wet season arrived. We never missed a wine tasting or an archeological hike and our rice paddy views with our own swimming pool soothed our Ubud souls.

Ubud

Ubud seems to be better for restaurant pricing, but more expensive for massages. Aleja says it’s because “not only do they align your spine, they align your chakra too”. You need to know that Ubud is the vortex for all things spiritual. Said another way: “it’s the wack job capital of the world”. When the kooks in Sedona and Venice Beach get thrown out for being too crazy – they go to Ubud. Living here means constantly refining your exit strategy for when the conversation turns Looney Toones. “Cake in the oven” doesn’t work. It needs to resonant with the common citizen of Ubud, so something more akin to, “I’m receiving telepathic messages from my spirit gecko. I need to go!” That will be met with a knowing nod and blissed out smile. Live to logic another day, I always say…

As weird as Ubud is, we tried to make it even weirder with ascots, monocles and pencil mustaches (thus called as they were drawn on with an eyebrow pencil). We recruited friends and wallowed in our revelry. 

It made the rounds on the internet but it's not far from the mark

This guy had no sense of humor!

About Those Friends… 

It is a wonderful thing when, as a road weary traveler, the world conspires to make you sit still long enough to develop friendships. We joined a health club, bought squash rackets, took pottery classes, and built a list of Ubud’s best restaurants at which we quickly became regulars 

We made many many ceramics and gave them all away

Our trivia winning team: Chika, Ben, Dean and Bruce (Phil, who was a friend and asset to the team, missed this evening)

Ben and Aimee on a road trip

Of course there were Colombian dance parties!

The Bandits! We did nearly everything with Dan and JRae

The Naming Game

You’ll notice that the Balinese all seem to have the same names. Here’s why: The first born is named either Wayan, Putu, or Gede. The second born is either named Made or Kadek. The third born is either named Nyoman or Komang. The fourth born doesn’t get a choice – only Ketut. It cycles over again to the remaining first names for the fifth kid. Shampoo, rinse, repeat. The sex of the child doesn’t matter. The name game stays the same. Males get “I” in front of their names and females get “Ni” in front of their names. Birth order matters here. I’m actually the first son, of the first son, of the first son. You’d think I’d be crowned “King of All Friedmans” but my name doesn’t help my standing on this island since “Bobby” (spelled “Babi” but pronounced exactly the same) means “pig”. When I introduce myself the blank stare of disbelief is uniform. I lighten the mood by making the joke complete for them by repeating it James Bond style: Bobby. Bobby Guling. That means “suckling pig”. You see it on signs all over town. It’s a very popular dish.

Amed & Tulamben

We made 6 trips to this area that spans about 30 minutes of driven undulating coast. Gorgeous and almost primitive when compared to Ubud or Sanur. The scuba diving of an old WW2 wreck was fascinating and the reefs rebounding during the pandemic made the snorkeling fantastic as well. Who can argue with 83 degree water and clear visibility?

This is the Liberty wreck which sat on the beach from 1942 until 1963 when a volcanic eruption made it slide beneath the waterline. History amps up the thrills

Sidemen

I'll let the pictures speak for themselves

Munduk

We went just about everywhere on the island at least once. Munduk we went to twice. Poor restaurant selection but the views were stellar, and the people were very nice. Priscilla gave us her scooter for free since some of the roads were too small for the car we had rented. It’s a wonderful human experience when you are undercharged and willingly overpay to reward their largesse. 

We had that waterfall all to ourselves. There are changing rooms here that have been abandoned since the pandemic. It tells you how crowded it once was. But today… we went nude!

Parts of Munduk look like a Dr Suess cartoon

Lovina

We ate spicy street corn from the same vendor each night as the golden orb burned its way into the ocean and delivered perfect sunsets nightly. We walked black sand beaches but swam in the pool. There is not much to do in this town and that’s just as it should be. 

Inland from Lovina

Kintamani

Our friends treated us to a “Mystery Day” and the 4 of us spent a night in one of the few places you need a jacket. This is the caldera of a dead volcano. The lava scars are still visible today. Does anything really die on a Hindu Island in the ring of fire?  

Jatiluwih

Their communal system of water management is quite interesting. I’m not going to dig into it here but if you are interested beyond the photos, you should Google: “subak”

Do I have a beautiful model or what?

This whole area has been designated an Unesco world heritage site. Go there!

Canggu

Home of the influencers and gym rats. Crypto conversations can be overheard everywhere, the food is mostly vegan, and of course these beautiful people are too pretty to wear masks. Hence the covid epicenter. We passed through a few times, hung out with friends and logged some beach time. 

Jimbaran

Allen Carey - I know. You got me. Noted.

Where the tear drop, that is called: The Bukit, shakes hands with the rest of Bali, there is a beach called Jimbaran. It is known for its calm surfless waters, bedazzled fishing fleet that sparkles across the nighttime waters, and their harvest from the sea that is showcased at the famous local fish market. We stayed at a lush hotel and walked the sand to a string of restaurants and picked the protein they cooked for us. It was so delicious we did it 3 nights in a row. 

Nothing wrong with a rooftop pool and a swim up bar

Uluwatu

This island is so unique that each corner has its own culture and feel. Uluwatu has the allure of its dramatic sheer plummeting cliffs and death size reef breaks. And there is a massive temple with danger monkeys for only a small extra charge. It’s beginning to challenge Ubud’s monopoly on lunacy. There is an expanding pocket of weirdos who are choosing surf and sun over the cooler rainy climes of Ubud. Imagine that. This is where the cool kids can develop their own conspiracy theories. 

Lembongan, Cenigen, & Nusa Penida – The Balinese “Off Islands”

I occasionally find myself asking the question. “Why is this so good?” In the case of the above referenced islands that are off the east coast of Bali (but are owned by Bali and considered Hindu Bali) you're not staring out at the blank ocean. You're staring at the beautiful dramatic coast of Bali with its chaotic weather systems and these little spider fishing boats bobbing in front of you. They harvest seaweed and are 25 years behind the Mother Island. It’s so good because they are a time machine that allows you to visit Bali as it once was. You’re welcome.

The family plots of seaward farming between the islands of Lembongan and Cenigen

Partying in Nusa Penida w Dean, Seonghee, Lina & Rayco

Staring down Bali 

The Seal Pup of Love in Crystal bay

Nusa Penida From The Diary

“We had a big day. Scootered down to Crystal Bay and snorkeled. Then came up to Gamat Bay. Drove the scooter down a terrible gravel road. Parked on the last flat spot and then hiked the remaining kilometer to the beach. Had it all to ourselves until the boat came in and the Chindo (Chinese Indonesians – Non derogatory and coined by Dean Costello, trademark pending) tourists that can't swim are put in life rings while standing on coral. 15 minutes and then the boat releases the mooring and jets away for the next bay. Fun to drive home all salty without a helmet or mask. This place is still the wild west.”

The tourist boats have trained them to eat crackers from your hand. Maybe not so wild west

Our Ubud And Surrounding Areas

There is a reason we chose to live here. Look closely, you might catch it -

Sayan Point

Looking down from our balcony as the farmer plows his rice paddy below

Typical Balinese street scene

Tagallalang rice paddies - about 20 minutes north of us

Our sweet landlord lady who brought us fruit and thanked us regularly

Candi Tebing Tegallingah. My favorite archeological ruin on the island. About 900 years old

We surprisingly had time for many shady cocktails. I guess we finished work early this day

Ain't nothing wrong with the centrally located Campuhan trail of Ubud

If Bali didn't exist some Hollywood producer would hire a team of writers to create it

Taken early one morning from the Campuhan trail

I had a dream. The brief was simple: "Book dry, butt wet." I hired the local boys to drill and assemble my hammock vision of splendor. 

I believe the mission was accomplished. 

Do you have a minute for some time lapse beauty?

Honorable Mentions:

Ringside seats in Candidasa

Ringside seats in Balian. Have you booked your tickets to Bali yet?

Kitties

We heard a noise. We looked inside. Some momma cat had given birth inside a giant vase on our balcony. 

Friends. Food. Fun

It really does boil down to that. We built wonderful friendships around the dining table, and we ate delicious foods as we laughed from the belly. Simple pleasures during a complicated time. I hinted at it above, but it is worthy of repeating: All of the beauty of Bali is merely window dressing to the human connection that we made with a small subset of friends. It’s those bonds that matter the most. We miss Bali but we really miss our friends.

Your man on point,

Captain Bobby

Bali Part 1

 

Bali Is Crawling With Aussies

“How many minutes left in the match?” 

“Aideen”

There are places in the world that are so dominated by one group of foreigners that you don’t even need to go to the mother country. You can skip the States and just go to Cabo San Lucas. You can skip India and just go to Fiji. You can skip Australia and just go to Bali. Bali is crawling with Aussies, and they look more Southern Californian than the Southern Californians. Their appearance is nearly identical to the Americans but with logo’d sportswear from teams you’ve never heard of: sports fans from a parallel universe. 

The Brits invented white trash, but the American’s won the belt and wore it proudly around their expanding bellies for decades until the Aussies snatched it from us with an “Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! – Oi! Oi! Oi!”. I could make a living cracking Aussie jokes about their “cashed up bogans” but the truth is I really do love ‘em. And then there’s AC/DC (pronounced “Acadaca”). AC/DC are so dirty and good and rock so hard that Australia could nuke Papua New Guinea and when the world court brought charges against them their only defense would be, "yeah, but...AC/DC" and with a collective murmur the world would sigh, "yeah… fair enough, but don’t do it again." 

We spent many hours drinking and staring at the sea in Sanur

I’m of course referring to “The Before Times”. It used to be crawling with Aussies, and when we first got here, it still was, but most left in summer 2020 and what I used to refer to as “convict island” is now referred to as “prisoner island” – They haven’t been allowed to leave their continent. When they leave Bali, they aren’t replaced with another Aussie.

They Were Replaced With Soviets!

Ah....The sleet blasted lizard faces of the Soviet bloc. Now when you travel Bali you hear Russian everywhere. When I started traveling back in 1990, you never heard Russian. You never met a Russian. There weren't any Russians outside of Russia. And if you met a Russian, you didn’t know it, because he was a spy. But now – they are everywhere. And if you meet a rich one it’s perfectly appropriate to ask how many people he’s killed with his bare hands. Because he has. And if you should ever find yourself depressed, just ask to see a Soviets childhood photo album. The sepia toned tenement blocks devoid of joy should put your problems into perspective instantly. 

I lived here in Bali ten years ago and we used to say, “Aussies will not wear shirts.” Now we say, “Soviets will not wear masks.” The mask thing really steams me up. You don't wear the mask for you; you wear the mask for everyone else. Like an eye patch.... It's not for the wearer. It's so everyone else doesn't have to see your dead socket. Even pirates were more polite than modern Soviets. I use the term “Soviets” because it’s more inclusive than “Russians” and everyone knows I’m an inclusive egalitarian and lover of culture. I have politely deferred to the blanket handle of “Soviets” for everyone who sounds like a record playing backwards. Those deadeye Soviets found Bali and vowed never to return to the tundra. They taught themselves how to market their social presence to their ilk trapped back home and are making up for 100 years of lost time as fast as they can. 

Yes Bob, But When Are You Actually Going To Write About Bali?

Right now! 

A pile of offerings to please the gods

Here's an example of marketing. The following statements are both true, but only one sells it, "I'm stuck in Indonesia". Vs: "I'm quarantining in Bali"

I landed in Bali on March 14 2020 and Aleja was one day behind me. The next day they closed the borders for 19 months. Whew! – We just made it and yet we had no idea how lucky we would be. Bali normally gets 7,000,000 visitors per year. As of July 16, 2020 there were only 7,000 foreigners on the island and they were leaving daily. It became a once in a lifetime opportunity that will probably never happen again. We found ourselves in paradise with 40% off, no traffic, no lines, and no crowds. Not one Bluebird taxi honked at me. The Dutch, the Japanese…and ultimately the Tourists just become another occupying army. But in this strange parallel universe it felt like we had paradise all to ourselves. If Elon Musk could write a check and reduce the number of foreigners by a factor of 1,000 how much would you expect that to cost? Billions right? Our experience was priceless. 

We had many great restaurants all to ourselves

It reverted to the crowds of the 1950's, the pricing of the 1990's while retaining the infrastructure of the 2020's. The health of the reefs rebounded, the air quality improved. We felt we won in every way … and all the while, the locals slowly starved. One of the employees where we lived was laid off. Shortly after, he had to unplug his fridge because he could no longer pay the electric bill, and shortly after that he sold it. Everyone knows a taxi driver who had to sell his car. It isn’t fair, and you can’t help everyone. We shared and donated but it would never be enough. We adopted a restaurant and the workers there. We bought bags of rice and cans of tuna and boxes of face masks but it’s never going to cover it. Many families dipped deeply back into poverty after their savings were extinguished. It was the same story around the world. 

I got sick

There were no Covid tests in March of 2020 in Bali so I can never say definitively that I had it, but I had never lost my sense of smell before and my lungs haven’t been the same since. 3 X-rays, 3 radiologists and 3 doctors later - the diagnosis is COPD, which is a blanket term for permanent scarring in the air sacs of the lungs. It won’t get better and my life quality has certainly been impacted. Do you remember as a child in the predawn frozen winter when you had to run to catch the school bus and that cold air seared your lungs? That’s what they feel like: scorched and bruised and I cough constantly. That never helps to make friends during a pulmonary pandemic. 

We quarantined for months. Aleja never had any symptoms. Go figure. This was March to June of 2020. We got small, lowered our expectations and like everyone else, wondered how long it would last. 

We took up an old hobby of mine
and made lots candles

By July we had declared that Sanur wasn’t where we wanted to be and moved up to Ubud. I’m fond of saying, “If you get lost in Sanur you end up in Denpasar (the filthy capital of the island). If you get lost in Ubud you end up in a beautiful rice paddy.” When we were driving in South America I was hyper conscious to never make a wrong turn because it was so difficult to get big LC turned around or backed up, but when I'm on the scooter with Aleja, we try to get lost. We knowingly take wrong turns. 2 wheels in Bali is real freedom. I lived here 10 years ago and I drove a little Jeep like vehicle. It was good. It felt safe. But traffic was an issue and parking a constant problem. This time around I opted for a scooter, which means you have to time your breathing. You hold your breath when you see the belch from the truck. Then you exhale and inhale the next lung full before you meet the smoke from the hundreds of mini fires that burn everyday as the locals rid themselves of rice chafe and plastics. Ahhh – the developing world!

Hindu Magic Force Field

Driving in Bali is an adventure. Start the car and test the horn. You're gonna need it. Merging into traffic on this island is tantamount to holding your breath and jumping headlong into a swift river. The cars and motorcycles ultimately do part like a school of fish interrupted by your rude introduction, and I've yet to hear the crunch of plastic or the grind of metal. Just before driving straight into the mass, which looks like a guaranteed collision, I say out loud 3 times, "Drive on the Left! Hindu magic force field!" It works. I wouldn't recommend it back in the States. The locals drive a scooter like there's no tomorrow and they drive a car like they've never been in one before. Which, based on the socio economic ladder is probably true. They are incredibly reckless with 2 wheels and more cautious than your grandma with 4 wheels. If you are wondering why Asians have a terrible reputation as drivers – go to Asia.

Driving can be a lesson in more than just road rules. Here are 2 things I’ve learned driving a scooter in Bali:

1. There is space for everyone / they can fit, you can fit, people can adapt, share and share alike. 

2. Chaotic systems sometimes work

That’s about as spiritual as I got during my 2.5 years in SE Asia. Should I open a wellness center?

Stay tuned for more on Bali in part 2 coming soon.

Your man on point,

Captain Bobby